Tag Archives: How to Survive a Garden Gnome Attack

And the Winner Is . . .

Posted in Contests by

All those who entered my Sambuchinoriffic contest (commenting with a gnome pun on my review of Chuck Sambuchino’s How to Survive a Garden Gnome Attack for a chance to win a critique by him), the results are in!

There were so many good ones, I let Random.org decide for me (I assigned each entrant a number and let the random number generator do its thing).

And the winner of either a query or a 5-page manuscript critique is . . .

Drum roll, please . . .

SHANNON SCHUREN!!!!!!

Her entry:

Does Chuck recommend using a gnome de plume when writing about this subject? For safety purposes, of course.

Hee!

So, congrats, Shannon!  Contact Chuck at literaryagent [at] fwmedia [dot] com to get going on your critique. Thanks for your participation, and I wish you luck with the crit.  🙂

And thanks to all who wrote such crazytown gnome comments.  Such fun to read!  (Check them all out here.)

Big Pimpin’: JRW, the WB & Contests

Posted in Contests, Musings from a Massanutt, The WriteBrained Network, Writing by
Sorry I slacked with the blogosphere post this week—but I was at James River Writers and having far too much fun to stress over it. I plan to get back into it this week for sheezy, though, so stay tuned.
Speaking of JRW, it was fan-freaking-tastic.  I met a horde of good folks and learned things like:
  • there are creepy weirdos on Twitter
  • Jefferson Davis is not, in fact, the same person as Abraham Lincoln

Yes, those are kind of inside jokes, but you see?  I made writer friends with whom they are inside jokes! So, YAY!

I learned one or two other things as well, and I will be sure to blog those in the coming weeks. 😉  But seriously, I was thrilled to have been a part of such a nice conference, and I’m even more excited that it’s within driving distance from good old H’burg!

PIMPAGE
In other randomosity, my Write-Brained Network is *just shy* of 100 members, and I would *love* it if we could get there . . . by the end of this week?**
Not for the lyrics-squeamish:

 

 

If you’ve been toying with the idea of checking it out or with getting involved with an online writing community, I hope you’ll give us a whirl.  It’s a great group of writers, who are always willing to help out one another.  We’ve got subgroups by geographical area and genre, forums, bloggity and linkerly (wha??) resources, monthly live chats, writing programs, a critique corner, contests, we’re planning an IRL workshop for 2011 (!) . . .  and just general awesomeness.

If you’re a write-brained individual, check us out—I mean, where else are you going to fit in society?  We’re all pretty much screwed, so we might as well stick together! 🙂

I promise not to become obnoxious with the pimpage, but if you join us and can assist in spreading the word, I’d def be grateful.

CONTESTS

Just a reminder, you’ve got until 11:59 PM EST on Friday, Oct. 15 to get your gnome puns in the comments of my review of Chuck Sambuchino’s How to Survive a Garden Gnome Attack.  The best one (winner chosen by me) will receive either a query or up to 5-page critique from the Class 1 gnome slayer himself.

If your entry doesn’t post for some reason, e-mail it to me at ricki [at] rickischultz [dot] com.

Also, don’t forget about the scary short story contest I’m hosting: Scare me in 1000 words or less. Click here for details.  I’ll be accepting entries until Sunday, Oct. 24, 11:59 PM EST.
Last, but not least, fellow Write-Brainiac Bridgid Gallagher and her cohorts are doing some awesome things over at Inky Fresh Press to celebrate their one-year blogiversary—including some prompt contests and a huge giveaway.  Click here for details.
She is always super fab about plugging the WB whenever she can, so I wanted to share the love.  *Huggleberry Finns, B!*
OK, Schultz out.
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*What is the WB, you ask?  Click here for more info.

Book Review: Chuck Sambuchino’s ‘Gnomes’ Equips Readers with the Essentials

Posted in Book Reviews by

Chuck Sambuchino* is the master of guides. Since 2008, he’s given us Guide to Literary Agents (Writer’s Digest Books); now, he’s unleashed a new kind of guide—one that, he says, will save your life. In his aptly-named and recently-released How to Survive a Garden Gnome Attack: Defend Yourself When the Lawn Warriors Strike (and They Will) (Ten Speed Press), he lays it out in the very first line:  Keep reading if you want to live.

What, you don’t think you’re at risk? Sambuchino disagrees—and whom are you going to believe, yourself or a Class 1 gnome slayer?

Yeah—that’s what I thought.

In Sambuchino’s easy-to-read handbook, he provides tips you never realized you needed to know in order to defend yourself in the event of an ambush of the lawn ornament variety.

 

What's he got behind his back? (Probably an axe.)

 

He has used his extensive garden gnome defense training to develop a foolproof four-step system (Assess, Protect, Defend, Apply), which will have you well on your way to total safety in just 106 pages.

Sambuchino not only equips readers with the proper tools to gnome-proof their homes and yards, but he also shines the light on the fact that these garden gnomes have infiltrated our world, down to well-known (and seemingly innocent) idioms (“gnomenclature”). The worst part is they’ve done so virtually undetected.

That’s what makes the little buggers so dangerous, he says. But fear not—it’s Sambuchino to the rescue.

 

The photographer's body was found three yards away. The horror! The horror!

 

I had no idea how much of a threat these pint-sized pests could be, but my eyes have been blasted open. I can now sleep much easier at night, after having acquired this knowledge, thanks to Sambuchino.

In the words of G.I. Joe, “knowing is half the battle.” The other half? Strategically placing weapons throughout the house and kicking some gnome ass.

From fashioning weapons out of household items to memorizing escape routes, you won’t find a more complete survival guide out there than Gnomes.

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*For the most clever gnome pun left in the comments (winner chosen by moi), Sambuchino has generously offered to give a free critique of up to 5 pages of a manuscript or a query letter—so get commenting!  CONTEST ENDS OCTOBER 15 AT 11:59 PM EST.

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Buy it here!

For more information on this book—and some life-saving tips, visit the official Gnomes blog.

To follow Sambuchino’s “ultra-nemesis,” Gnomevicious, click here. (Might be a good way to get an inside look at how these forces of evil think . . . )